My Life in Bullets-- Week of October 15th!

Yes---I love doing this so much I am going to do it weekly now!! ( this way I know I am guaranteed to blog AT LEAST once a week!)

• I just spent the entire day doing interviews with sitters so I can go back to doing doula work. I feel exhausted and stressed after doing this all day. And after ALL the time ( not just today but all the time  I have spent researching this for the past month and half) I feel REALLY great about one and so/so about 3 others. Where are all the GREAT sitters in the world?
• Tomorrow is national pregnancy Loss remembrance day and it really has made me kinda sad. Last week the first baby we lost would have been 6 yrs old. How different our lives would have been if that baby had joined our family. And my second loss's birth would have resulted in not having Lexi. Sad for my losses...but rejoice in the babies I was blessed to birth.
• The past week has again given me reminder after reminder about the true meaning of relationship in our "communities."  In the end--do I allow my choice in parenting methods to come in between  friendships? Do I allow my other obligations to get in the way of true relationship? Am I being honest with those I call friend? Or am I doing the "dance" so many seem to do just to keep things going? I am praying that I can come to a place of genuineness and honesty. I have failed at this many times and praying for God to help me live to the higher standard he has called me to...even when its hard.
• I had a very quick dinner date with my hubby last week for his birthday and I realized that I MISS our time together . I love my kiddos dearly...but I REALLY Love my husband and am sad we dont get to spend more time together.
• I am again challenging all the doctors providing Lexi's care. I got more information this week about medications and how they work...which means I want to change how we are treating her. I know her doctors must think  I am a thorn in there side...I wish they could just understand I am trying to make the best choices for my baby girl and its not personal against them!!
• I had an appointment with a personal trainer last week and I could not walk properly for almost 4 days. I have wanted to work out almost every day this week but felt bad leaving my kiddos to go to the gym...I wish exercise and kids worked better together! Because I am not a  very content fat person!
• I Just spent 2.5 hrs shopping for something other than the same 2 pair of pants I have been wearing since May. I tried on over 35 things ( no really...I counted!) and came home with one pair of jeans that are just ok and one top that is really cute. So I sat in the dressing room wondering of I can operate  by only eating fruits and veggies for the rest of my life! ( well I am pretty sure I might not wither away but since I am the one sustaining another growing life, I guess thats probably not smart...sigh. )
• I cleaned my house yesterday in preparation for our interviews today. What I decided--I LOVE a clean house but I wish it didnt take so darn long to make it that way! 
• Oh and speaking of clean--I realized I have a weird cleaning fetish. I LOVE to have a spotless sink. Spotless enough to eat out of. I use a toothbrush to clean around the edges, my poison filled magic eraser sponges to clean the bottoms and every spray I own to clean the sides. How weird is that!!
• Austin has been potty trained for about two months now...but he still has regular accidents because he does not want to stop playing to go pee. His most common place to pee now a days--IN HIS CAR SEAT!! I realized today that I am probably gonna have to take the entire thing apart and scrub it down since I have now noticed a weird odor permeating the car any time it sits in the heat....ewe!
• This week Lexi popped her first tooth and started rocking on her hands/knees. Holy cow...tomorrow she will be peeing in her car seat too!
• I met with my Old boss at APA this week and he has offered  me some work to do for them. While I dont miss that job per se so much--I do miss using my brain for something that seems "important." My plan is to wait until November and then do something on a trial basis to see how long it takes me to get things done and see where I can make the time to do it. Of course its on the APA website which was my baby---no one does regular work on the education that goes on their anymore and what he needs I could practically do with my eyes closed. For a brief moment I wondered what it would be like to work again...oh ya....NEVER MIND!!!