Whine....

Yes...I am gonna whine! I need to whine! Actually I need to explode but since thats not an option...I will just whine! I am tired. I am tired, my husband is tired and We're tired. The past 3 weeks have been so challenging and we are just tired.

Almost 4 weeks ago, Lexi started having some "stuff" going on. Teething began ( yes...at 8 weeks old!) and I began having some pain when feeding her. Well e concluded that we must have a yeast/thrush problem. We treated it with Grapefruit seed extract for almost two weeks...with some improvement but not all. During this time she also began to fight eating. She would scream, pull off and on and just over all be miserable. After having her adjusted by a chiropractor, we realized the thrush must be REALLY bad and I decided to go radical.

Radical meant this:  yeast cleanse that made me deathly ill for 3 full days, a complete change in my diet that eliminates all sugars, dairy and most all carbohydrates, a full box of vitamins, herbal remedies and other concoctions, wearing all my clothing only once before I wash it in a special wash, sanitizing all bottles, pacifiers, pump equipment after each use, washing my hands with non antibacterial soap after every feeding, diaper change, clothing change, etc..., applying ointments and washes to Lexi and I before and after every feeding and last but not least....a prescription.

This has been insanity for me...I really feel I might loose my mind. Not only am I doing all this stuff to make the yeast die, not regrow or transfer...but it does not even seem to be working YET! Ok...granted many things say that you need to stay on this diet for 21 days and be on the script for 14 days before real change can be seen...but come on...this is crazy for a mom to be doing. AND we dont even really know if this is why she is not wanting to eat...no one has answers for that one. We dont know why she is screaming at the breast if its NOT yeast/thrush. And this is how every day is.

 In the mean time...we have been potty training Austin and Shea is working 12 hour days, leaving in the morning between 3-4am.  This is why we are tired. This is why I needed to whine. My joy is lost somewhere in the midst of doing laundry twice a day, eating boring food, trying to get a screaming baby to eat and cleaning up poop.

I have been praying for answers, praying for reprieve, praying for my vegetables to taste like chocolate cake....and nothing. I am hearing nothing.

The CRAZY thing is I know we should be so thankful for the fact that Shea HAS a job to work 12 hours a day at, that Lexi is in fact still nursing even if it is miserable, that we have a washing machine to wash our clothes in twice a day and that Austin is healthy enough to even learn how to pee in the potty. But...I am tired. And its so much harder to find joy in things when you are tired, worn down and feel discouraged.

So thats why I needed to whine. Today I whine, tomorrow I will pick myself up by my bootstraps and continue on with this regimen. Blessed are the weary, right?? Well I am surely weary!! Let the blessings rain on!!