My goal was to blog about my amazing birth I did yesterday, how much I love what I do and all the great things that go along with that. BUT I have had a very rough morning and in sticking with my commitment to be honest..i am going to talk about it.
Its probably been about 3-4 weeks since I left the house with Austin ( by myself!) to go to a public gathering that did not require him to be in his stroller the whole time! We have done very quick errands...but that's it.
Why you might ask?
Because I am scared. Ok there its out--i am scared to leave my house with my almost 2 yer old because its such a nightmare to do so and I dont know how to handle it. I get overwhelmed, I get emotional inside, I feel helpless and I feel I must leave at once. (and that really sucks when you have a basket full of groceries.)
This morning has been especially bad and I once again had to cancel plans to attend a meeting ( that included kids) because I am so afraid of how Austin will act and I wont know what to do to make him stop. I feel totally powerless and trapped but this whole thing. I spoke with someone who told me today--any one who has had a two year old will totally understand. Ok--they may understand--and thats great--but it does not change my feelings of of being overwhelmed and feeling powerless. I need to know what to do about it...and those answers I am not finding any where.
We have started disciplining at home...not sure if its really working quite yet..but we are continuing to do it and be consistent.
Its not easy and its not fun--but if it will work, I will do most anything.( within reason of course!)
But out in public is another problem! I had some friends come over for lunch last week--mainly because I felt I could not go out to meet them--so they came to me. And even in my own house--I felt so overwhelmed, powerless and totally out of control. I
think it has to do with the "pressure" or " fear of being watched" that makes it even more paralyzing for me. Like everyone is watching to see how I am going to handle this it and if I do it right, if what I do works and how I fail at controlling my toddler! I would be so much more sure of myself if I knew what did work and I could just do that every time---then I wouldn't care what people thought of me. But because I am so unsure of what to do myself--how can i Possibly hold up under other peoples scrutiny?
I am not sure what to do from here...I have a bible study that I am supposed to be attending on Wednesday mornings on Biblical Discipline-but I Am scared to go because I dont know how I am going to handle Austina at the meetings! ( we have only attended once due to all of Austin's sickness-and I left that meeting in tears because I felt all i did was chase him and tell him no!)
Well....there you have it...me being totally honest and transparent. Life with a toddler can be so much fun at times...but it also can be paralyzing and so hard.
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4 comments:
hey girl, for the sake of sounding redundant, I won't say, "I understand," but I am thnking it :)
My two year old is just as full of life and energy as well. But I want to offer you some good news- there is hope! God can take a strong willed child, and with the right training and guidance, he can become a man ready to use his God-given strong nature to change the world.
I don't have all the answers, and I am learning right along with you, but I would love to get together sometime and share with you some wonderful discipline techniques (that we have stolen from wise counsel, of course :-)) I will even offer Ellie Kate as a test dummy.
Anyway, if that interests you, let me know, we will set something up asap. LETS GET YOUR LIFE BACK! You deserve it!
My heart goes out to you, because I know how it feels to be so overwhelmed and question yourself on everything. We will continue to pray that God will direct and give you his wisdom and hopefully a sense of peace to be able to handle all the challenges that you are being met with.
It sounds like you have a good support system, but please feel free to call anytime if I can be of help.
Love you so much, and my mom always told me "And this too shall pass"
Vicky
L-
I so understand your pain and fear. Brian is so unpredictible, I never know what to expect. Grayson was a high needs child & I expected Brian to be my "laid back" baby. Some days he is & others, I want to run & hide in my bed-under the covers & not come out.
On thing I have learned from being Grayson's mom is that I am unable to control his behavior. I never will either. He is his own person, with his own personality and responses. Totally God's design. I essentially have to work around him and learn what works best & what doesn't. It is the same for Brian.
My mom gets really embarassed if either of my sons has a "temper tantrum" in public. Again, I can't control how they will respond to situations, but I can control what I do. I get mad and yell sometimes and other times I am "super mom".
Just take one day at a time & it will come. You are a fabulous mom.
Just thinking about you...I'm so glad these other ladies have much more to offer because I'm clueless as you know. Thanks for checking on me this week!
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